Exploring 'Feelings'

So, if you follow my Facebook page you know Monday 11/5/18 was a good day...my test results for my 2nd 3 month follow up i.e. my blood work in the doctors words was 'great', cancer marker remains low.  It was a good day :) 

BUT, the days leading up to these results are, for me, so impacting and filled with anxiety and fear of 'what if'?  This time around, I resonated more on why, why are these days wrapped in fear and anxiety, why are they not wrapped in hope and happiness, knowing I am going to hear 'great' results, why do I default to the FEAR of 'what if'....well I suppose that goes very deep into a learned habitual space.

But what I know for sure, is this was fully orchestrated as part of my journey, cancer was my great teacher.  I was told by a friend (Mrs. C) early on, when the only fact I had was that I had a large tumor on my right ovary and I was being referred to a OBGYN Oncologist, well the word Oncologist helped me write that ending in my head!!  Anyways my friend sitting with me in my home, holding my hand looked me in the eye and said, I feel you are going to go thru a shedding period and a growth period thru this, WOW how right she was!  I have shed so much and I have grown equally.  I have a long long way to go but I don't stand in judgement of that, I think about what another lifelong friend said to me once (Mrs. Tidd), don't look at how far you have to go, turn around and look at how far you've come...(BTW she was talking about me and Diane (her daughter) complaining about weeding the garden LOL! but you get my point it transcends to life's pathways)...

It is during the pain that we gain the wisdom and then we pass it on...

Be Present for a moment today..

Brenda