Reflection of Thanks-giving: What a Difference a Year Makes

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One Year ago on Thanksgiving Eve 2017 I traveled to nationally renown Roswell Cancer Center in Buffalo, NY (c-o-l-d) to have a 3rd opinion on my treatment plan, ultimately should I do a cycle of chemotherapy...the answer was so obvious upon my consultation with Dr. Ziro's that it was almost embarrassing, her words rang in my mind 'you are fighting for your life, do everything you can.'  I needed her for my decision and I never looked back.   So onward we went, the decision was made, what a relief, what a "release"...

So as Thanksgiving 2018 approached of course there were reflections of where I was a year ago, but interestingly enough not a lot of energy was given to it, just a wink and a nod to a decision that was difficult but was made with peace and knowing finally after weeks and weeks of agonizing over it, 'sweet release'.

Where I did find myself this Thanksgiving was a little more emotional and couldn't quite figure it out...but emotions are to stay in motion, let them come and go (its ok!).  I rested and wrestled with them a bit, thinking why are you feeling sad you should be JOYOUS you have come so far within one year...but what I found was I was sad about 'cooking' yes 'cooking' Thanksgiving dinner for my mom.  I haven't cooked Thanksgiving dinner since she passed in 2015.  But what I know is its not about the 'dinner or the turkey' its about missing my mom, which is a reflection of my love for her...I was just missing my mom (normal!).   Isn't the gathering so much more than 'turkey' its really about the people, that are with us in that car ride to our relatives, those that come to the table or are now not at the table, for whatever reason.  Isn't Thanksgiving really about 'relationships' and the one time a year we really pause with them and we use this 'turkey' to model it...Love your relationships, they are temporary, so be present, be grateful and be 'ok' with lettingo...of expectations and hallmark images, life can be messy, your good friends and family will stay to help you clean up 😉

So as we build our 'stories' in our minds of what aught to happen, what the holiday aught to be, what the outcomes will be, all of our conjured up expectations and then we stand in judgement of them and grade the outcome,  let us be reminded we are not responsible for outcomes we are responsible for obedience to God, He will deal with the outcomes.

The stories we write in our mind for a future that does not yet exist are stealing 'moments' from us...

Finding peace this holiday season and 'release' from all the put upon expectations of what aught to happen and let go of writing the story and playing it out in your minds eye, for me I am a constant student of lettingo and some times just let life happen.  Love is not found in a gift under a tree...

Be 'Present'...that's were the gifts are.
Blessings
BA

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